Shadows
by wishing-my-eyes-were-topez
Summary: Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside of us while we live. Jace's story
1. Chapter 1

**Jace's account of what happened before he came to live with the Lightwoods.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters**

Jace stood frozen and more scared than he had ever been in his life. The fear paralyzed him as he stared through the crack in the doors. The pure confusion of disbelief controlled his brain as he waited. He could feel his hands shaking and he was so scared they would make too much noise. If he made noise the men would come back. They would come back and they would find him. He grabbed his pant legs and squeezed as hard as he could to try to stop the shaking as he leaned against the smooth wall behind him.

He stared through the doors at the mangled body of his father. He stared at the bravest man he had ever known. He stared at the only family he had. He stared at his life as it lay dead in front of him. He couldn't move, he knew the men would come back for him. His mind seemed to comprehend that he was still in danger, but he couldn't control his body.

He watched as the blood slowly pooled and slithered across the floor to him. It was like an arrow pointing out his hiding spot to the killers. He was beginning to panic as the picture developed in his mind of the men coming back and killing him, leaving him bleeding next to his father, and the only family that hadn't abandoned him. And now he was gone. Jace could feel the blood beginning to seep into the toes of his shoes. Marking him for the men it was showing him to. And suddenly he didn't want to live anymore. He wanted to be with his father, because what could he possibly do now. He had no family, no friends, no father.

Unable to watch anymore he burst from the closet. He stopped when he stepped out. He could now see his father, unblocked in any way by the doors. He stood there and tried to blink the scene away, he tried to wake himself up from the horrible nightmare.

He inched toward the body of his father, so slowly, afraid to touch him, and confirm he was... He slid his feet forward across the smooth floor. He inched across their beautiful design, now obscured by blood, toward his father. As he got closer he could see the runes on his skin. He could see the blood still slowly running out. He bent to his knees and slowly extended his hand toward his father. He was afraid that his father would get mad at him for touching him. His eyes filled with tears of sadness and fear. They were falling down his face, but he tried to stop them. His father never wanted him to show weakness. He wouldn't be caught crying. But the tears wouldn't stop and he knew he should be frustrated, but the terror was taking up all the room inside of him. His hand landed on his father's arm. he could feel the thick leather of his hunting gear. He held it there, tears streaming down his face.

"Father" he choked out, less than a whisper, "Father, please" he begged. He raised his hand to his shoulder and gently shook it, unable to see what he was doing through the tears.

He sat back on his ankles and stared at his father. The helplessness sinking in. "No, no, no, Father please, oh no." he whispered over and over as the situation sunk in. But he could only sit there, praying to the god his father swore by, praying to the heavens, praying to the mother that abandoned him. How could she have left him. Now he had no parents, no help, no home. He sat and cried as his life crumbled around him.

Jace didn't know how long he had sat there but his tears had long run dry. He felt numb and still that sense of bewilderment. He couldn't believe this was happening.

A noise sounded behind him from outside. He jumped and spun fear choking him. Another crash sounded and Jace flew to his feet the instinct to hide overpowering. His eyes darted around trying to decide where to go. He knew he couldn't go back to the closet, not after the blood had pointed him out. He took a step toward the stairs. He figured if he could make it upstairs he could hide in one of the rooms there. But as he stepped he smeared the blood and it stuck to the bottom of his shoe and showed all of his footprints. Panicked and unable to escape the tears started again.

Completely at a loss of what to do he collapsed next to his father and grabbed his arm staring toward the front door. He begged his father again to come back, to help him, to save him. But he wasn't coming back, and he was beyond helping him. Jace suddenly remembered all that his father had taught him. Bravery in the face of death, courage when fear sets in, determination to finish the task. He squared his shoulders as he sat and waited for whatever horror was coming through the door to arrive so he could face it and show that he was ready. He would die fighting as his father had. He would stay and fight as all honorable shadowhunters did.

The door opened and the light of a beautiful Idris day flooded into the foyer. He couldn't see who was coming through the door, but he hoped it was one of the men. The person had frozen on the threshold. Jace still could not see who it was as they were back lit, but he wanted them to come in, he wanted them to kill him soon. He wanted to join his father, he wanted to be rid of this nightmare.

The man slowly stepped forward, faltered and then came forward again, faster this time. As he left the door Jace recognized him as one of the servants who lived at the manor with them. Seeing that it was not one of the murders he felt the tears come back as the servant made his way toward him and his father. He held unto his father's arm as the man approached. He was saying something but Jace's ears were ringing and blocked out the noise. He was only aware of how pale his father looked in the sunlight and how the breeze flung the cooper scent of blood into his nose.

He stared past the man out the open doorway. The clear blue sky held no hint of a storm. He could see the flowers in the field blowing in a cool breeze. He could see birds swooping low over the flowers. It was the picture of life, and happiness. He had so expected the world outside his home to be gray, smoking and destroyed. How could anything good still exist. Why was he the only thing that was ruined. Where was the fire and brimstone, surely this was hell. Where were the avenging angels, for surely this was judgment day.

A woman entered the door, obscuring his view of the perfect scene outside. Her hand flew to her mouth. Jace saw her spin and yell out the door, but he couldn't hear what she were saying. He felt like he was watching this through a window, not experiencing it. The woman hurried to his side. He could feel her trying to loosen his grip. But he wouldn't let go. He couldn't leave his father, he couldn't leave his old life dead on the floor of the cold marble foyer.

Suddenly his hearing came back, the window was shattered and the illusion gone. He was there, thoroughly living this. He was sure he was in hell. He had read enough Dante to know. The blood, the red, the fear, the loss, the screams, the pain. There was no escaping this, because there was no escape from hell.

He could hear the woman pleading with him, trying to take him away. The man was helping her. He lifted Jace off the floor and was telling him it was ok. He was the devil taking him away from his life, away to his eternal doom. But Jace didn't fight back. He was numb and he couldn't muster up the fight he had found when the door had opened. It had all been lost to the outside, to the perfect world. The one so out of reach for him now. As the man carried him up the stairs he had considered fleeing up he saw two more of the servants come through, and the last one shut the large heavy doors. It shut out the sunlight plunging him into darkness. It shut out the beautiful scene outside. It left him scared and quivering in the arms of a man in a house smeared with blood. It locked him in hell.

**thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

He heard the doorbell sound and was surprised that it was already 8 o'clock. He had thought he would have more time before the representatives from the Clave came. He stayed where he was on the bed and stared at his hands. He concentrated and heard the door open. He tried to hear the voices, but the foyer was too far away to hear them through the closed bedroom door. He got up and walked to the door. He had his hand on the knob. But he didn't want to be there as they discussed his fate. He didn't want to know where they were planning on sending him, or what far corner of Idris they would send him to. He didn't want to meet the distant relatives they had found for him to live with. His hand slipped from the knob and he flicked the lock shut. He stared at the lock for a moment. He had never used it before, he had always been afraid of what his father would have done if he had found the door locked. But Jace turned his back on the door and walked back into the room. Everything had changed.

This room had been his sanctuary. His father almost never came here. He respected the need for space. Although he used the leverage of not often coming into the room to keep Jace out of many of the rooms in the manor. Jace had always been happy for the freedom. He liked to have space he could keep things he didn't want found. But mostly he was able to bend many of the rigid rules in the house here. In his room Jace didn't have to be perfect.

Jace sat on the bed of his room. He looked around at the weapons and books scattered around the room. He thought it didn't seem right. Everything was a reminder of his father. He got off the bed and picked up a book. He held it in his hand, weighing it. He stared down at the empty place it had left on the floor. He walked over and picked up a shirt lying near by. Another blank spot, something else erased. He began to pick up everything in his room.

Now all Jace wanted was his father in the room. He wanted to live the perfection his father preached. He cleaned and straightened until the room looked almost unused. He sat back down on the bed and looked around at the blank room. It helped the numbness that still haunted him. He now had a companion through this. He now had something as blank and dead as him.

He stared at the room. All its personality stolen away. He walked into the bathroom that was connected to his room. He stared at the pale green walls. They were the color of the leaves on the flowers that grew just outside the house. He turned and looked at himself in the mirror. He stared into his own eyes and tried to figure out which emotion was struggling to be made known under the blankness. He thought he looked very little like his father then. Because his father rarely let any emotion show. Emotion was weakness, weakness led to defeat, and defeat was dishonorable.

He stared at his face trying to find some similarity in his face to his father's. But there just wasn't much there. They both had fair hair. And Jace used to be able to see some of his father in the glint in his eyes. The way he carried himself. But now, he only saw a helpless boy about to be torn away from his home.

He saw a tear run down his cheek in the mirror. He hadn't even known he was crying. But the tears only proved that he was not like his father, not as good. He turned and bent over the toilet and threw up. He felt his stomach empty; a little more of himself gone. Exhausted and shaking he leaned back against the wall and shut his eyes. How had this happened? All the memories and weakness made everything so much worse. He was disgusted with himself for being this way. His father would have recovered and not let a death bother him and practically handicap him. He had recovered after his mother left and still be a great father and shadowhunter.

With that thought his stomach heaved again and he leaned back over the toilet but there was nothing left within him. He felt the numbness descend and he lay down on the cold floor of the bathroom and stared at the ceiling.

The coolness of the tile floor seeped through his clothes and skin chilling him to his bones. But he welcomed the cold, it something that cut through the numbness. He could live with the cold, it was easier than living with the past.

He lay there studying the patterns in the paint on the ceiling, trying to make runes out of the swirls. He was shivering from lying on the floor for such a long time when there was a knock on the door. He slowly eased himself up afraid of the lightheadedness he was sure he was going to have. As he got to his feet his head pounded and he swayed a little. Yep, he had been right about being lightheaded. He slowly made his way to the door and unlocked and opened it.

Lucy, his favorite of their servants was standing on the other side. She had been almost a mother to him growing up here.

"Jace, come with me. I want you to meet someone."

He knew it would be like this. Meeting strangers and going to live far away from the manor. It just wasn't fair. _This _was his home. And yet now it didn't feel like home. It just felt dead, like he did.

He walked slowly after Lucy. He couldn't make himself go any faster, he had just lost the will to care. He watched as she disappeared around a corner. He turned after her. He knew they were going to his father's study. It felt so wrong. No one should be in there. Jace remembered the first time he had been allowed into that room. It had a massive black marble fireplace and a great mahogany desk. And his father was sitting behind the desk in his tailored suit with a smile on his face as Jace walked in. Jace knew what an honor it was to be allowed into the room. His father only brought their most important guests there. His father always said it was a place for real work to get done. A place for respected adults to discuss matters of great importance.

Sure enough Lucy stopped at the doors at the end of the hallway. He could see the portraits of other dead family members hanging on the walls beside the door. He slowly pulled one door open, half expecting to see his father there behind the desk discussing matters of great importance. Instead it was just a man and two of the servants.

Jace felt his heart contract. His father never would have let these people into the study. They were servants, barely better than mundanes. And the man was someone he had never seen before. He could not be very important if he had never come to talk to his father before. Although the man was dressed well, and Jace could tell by the way he was standing with his weight held just so, that this man was a shadowhunter.

Jace walked tentatively into the room. Still almost expecting his Father to appear from behind one of them and scold him for coming into this room. But it was just the four of them. And Jace had never felt so alone. The one servant girl waved him to a chair. He walked cautiously up to the chair and sunk into it. He stared at the veins in the ancient leather instead of the other people in the room.

"Jonathan" said the man, and Jace flicked his gaze to him, no one called him Jonathan. Only his Father when he was really upset with him, or really pleased.

"Jace" he corrected quietly not wanting to get in trouble for talking back or correcting the man.

The man only smiled at him. And it seemed like a genuine smile. He relaxed his stance slightly.

"Jace," the man started again, "I am Robert Lightwood and I would like to speak to you."

~*~


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything**

**Chapter 3**

Jace sat in the chair and watched the man as he introduced himself.

"Your father was a very good friend of my wife and myself" he continued. Jace wasn't sure if he believed that, if they were friends surely he would have visited. "I have come to take you back to live with my family. I promise to provide a good home for you and we will do everything we can to make this as easy as possible."

Jace noticed that the man had very carefully not said that they would replace his family. But he was really interested in where he would be living. How far across Idris would he have to move?

"How far away do you live?" he asked

The man hesitated, uneasy. Jace couldn't understand why. Did this man live somewhere to be ashamed of. He couldn't think of any 'bad neighborhoods' in Idris. Jace had always been proud of where he lived, of being a Wayland.

"We live in New York" he replied at last, glancing at the servants who had their heads down not making eye contact with him.

"New York?"Jace spluttered, "In America?" he asked shocked. This was far worse than he had ever feared. He wasn't going across Idris, he was going across the world. The floor had fallen out from under him. His world was crashing again. He would have to leave Idris. He was not only saying goodbye to the manor but goodbye to Idris. To his homeland, and the homeland of all shadowhunters. Why would this man choose to live so far away, why would you separate yourself from the other shadowhunters?

"Why do you live so far away?" he asked, and he knew it was rude, but he didn't really care.

Again the man hesitated, annoying Jace. "We run the institute there." he answered. Jace stared at the man, trying to see him under that new description. He was a shadowhunter who had chosen to live far away in order to protect the humans living afar. This man was giving up ties with friends and family to protect strangers as called for by their sacred oath. This man was to be respected for courage and commitment to the Clave and its ideals.

The conversation continued but bypassed Jace for the most part. The man began talking to the servants, he heard them discussing details of the departure and voyage. Jace sat in the chair and stared into the fireplace letting everything flow by around him. He was trying to digest this information. But every time he thought of New York his stomach clenched uneasily. When it got to be too much he slowly stood and asked if they would excuse him. He turned and left the room, walking down the hallway. He thought of going to the kitchen to try to find something to ease his stomach. He wondered what the man for New York had thought of.... but his stomach clenched again and he felt his throat close up. He dashed into one of the guest bedrooms off the hall and ran for the bathroom.

He walked back out of the bathroom ten minutes later and walked toward the bed. He sat down on the floor his back resting on the bed. He was facing the wall, and he could see out the window from where he was sitting. He could see that the moon had risen; it was nearly full. It was shining down unto the river that flowed about a half mile off the side of the house. The meadow that stretched down to the bank was now transformed from its rich golds and yellows to a sea of silver and black. The strip of sparking light reflected off the water and danced in the slight waves and ripples. Everything in the scene a shade of grays and silvers. It would have been beautiful on any other night. He probably would have gone down to the river. His father might have come too. They would have sat on the shore, staring up at the moon. His father might have told him stories about some of the adventures he had had. But Jace's favorite nights were the ones when they would sit in silence and bask in nature and the beauty of Idris. A beauty he was soon going to leave.

He could hear when the servants showed the man out. But he stayed in the dark room. He watched as the moon slowly arched through the sky subtly changing the scene as it went. Eventually the servants stopped walking through the house. They had gone to bed tired from another day of work.

Jace raised himself up and stared out the window from the new vantage point for a moment before he turned his back on it. Afraid he might get sick again if he stayed to long looking at the landscape that held so many memories.

The next morning Jace woke feeling stiff and uneasy. His stomach felt like lead and his throat felt dry and cracked. He knew he should get something to eat, but food did not sound appetizing. Instead he trudged into the bathroom and drank a cup of water. He could feel it flow all the way down his throat, soothing, until it reached his stomach. The emptiness seemed to intensify with the water so Jace decided to get dressed and eat breakfast.

He wore simple clothes today. He was not planning on doing anything that would require nice clothing. He walked to the kitchens and found Lucy there.

"Good morning" she called as he entered

"Lucy" he smiled in return. He flopped down on a stool in the kitchen. He knew that if his father had been here they would have eaten in the dining room with the silver and crystal. Today was a Sunday, and Sundays were to be treated reverently. Jace immediately felt bad about his clothing. Perhaps he should have worn something nicer. But his father wasn't here to scold, and he wasn't here to eat on the silver with him. And he certainly wasn't here to save him from New York. His stomach tightened, and he quickly turned toward Lucy and croaked that he would love a little breakfast.

He watched as she worked through the kitchen. She turned ordinary items and ingredients into masterpieces. Other servants came and went, they stole and sampled food as they went. Jace was surprised by how close they all were. This was not a side of the manor his father let him see. Only because he was so much more worried with his training and education that being with the servants was never any concern.

Suddenly Jace was sad to be leaving them. He knew that when he left many of them would leave to find new jobs. Some would stay of course and keep the manor in order, but he was sure many of them would be nearly as sad to go as he was.

Jace had a danish for breakfast, not wanting to push his luck with his stomach. When he was through he thanked Lucy and wandered toward the training room in the south wing of the trailed his hand along the wall trying to memorize the exact texture of the paint and wallpaper.

When he reached the training room he slipped in the door. He flicked on a light and stared around the room. He had not been in here since his father had been murdered. He had been avoiding the room for the past two weeks. He walked over to the weapons wall and pulled off a seraph blade and twirled it in his fingers. He took a step and lunged at an invisible target. He turned to slash at one of the decoys. But as he swung at it memories of his father hit him. He stood there panting as he recalled all the hours they had spent here together his father teaching him how to protect, to guard, to fight, to kill.

He hurried back to the wall and carefully put the blade back before sprinting from the room he tore down the hall and stopped only after he had turned the corner. He then turned and followed a hallway that went to the servants' rooms. He had only been this way a few times before. His father always told him they had to respect the privacy of those that worked for them.

He wandered down the hall looking out the windows that were evenly spaced down the hall and out over the lawn into the sunlight. As he walked he admired the artwork, trying to take in as much as he could. He wanted to remember this house, which had once felt like home. He noticed the art work along this hall was slightly different than that in the rest of the house. A few of the pieces looked more recent than the classics and originals hanging elsewhere. They had a certain style, the brushstrokes were more visible, and the colors were slightly brighter. All the pictures were clearly depicting scenes and landscapes of Idris. He wished he was artistic. His father had taught him music and he could play the piano well enough. But he had never had much talent at drawing, painting or sketching. He wondered who the painter of these beautiful hidden works was. There were so many mysteries here that he had no time left to solve.

**Any guesses who the artist is?**

**thanks for reading!!!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Jace stared at the empty trunk on his bed. He had been dreading this day. He stared around his now blank and neat room, it looked so different than it had before his father had died. He walked slowly to the dresser and pulled out a few of his shirts. He slowly trudged back to the bed probably looking like a man walking to the gallows. But this was like a death sentence for Jace. He was moving into a house across the world, in a large city where he would probably never see the stars again. But the scariest part would be the Lightwoods' children. Jace had never had much contact with kids his age. He had traveled around the world with his father, and been to Alicante with Lucy or another servant from time to time, but he never had really gotten to know anyone. His father was the only person he needed.

He stiffly turned away from the trunk and walked back to the dresser pulling out more clothes, he then placed them neatly in the trunk. Packing himself away and pulling out of the house that had been his home.

After all his clothes had been packed he took two of his favorite books that his father had insisted he read. He thought of taking a painting, maybe the one that hung in his room. But he felt that it would ruin the character of the manor. He wouldn't leave it dead and bleeding, and missing chunks of itself like fate had left him. It just didn't seem right.

Lucy came in about an hour later, with the butler who then took the half empty trunk away.

"Jace are you ready dear?" she asked him cautiously.

He didn't answer, he wasn't ready to do anything.

"I have something I need to show you," she hesitated, "from you father."

Jace's head snapped up at that. He looked at her face incredulously, but he knew she wouldn't mock him. He rose slowly and walked around to where she was standing.

"Follow me" she said quietly and then turned and walked out of the room. Jace followed after her anticipation growing as they moved down the stairs. He looked to the center of the foyer as they passed it. The blood was gone. Everything was gone, there was no evidence of what had happened. For all Jace could see it could have been just a nightmare.

Lucy was heading for the study again. He wondered why they couldn't just leave this room alone. It was his father's personal area and he didn't understand why as soon as he was gone no one else seemed to understand that anymore. Lucy opened the doors and entered the study. Jace followed hesitantly behind her. He was still nervous to enter this room.

Lucy made her way over to the desk. He gaped as she opened one of the drawers in the desk. He never would have done that. Being in the room was bad enough but now they were all going through his things. He felt rage boiling up inside of him.

"What are you doing?" he asked. He had been trying to sound angry or upset but his voice was breathless.

"Jace, the Clave has read through your father's will. He wanted to give you this." She pulled an envelope out of the drawer, and walked around the desk back to him. She held it out for him to take.

He stared from the envelope to her face and then back again. He slowly lifted a hand to take it. His hand was shaking slightly as he grabbed the envelope. He could feel that there was something inside of it. He hoped it was a letter, some explanation of why those men had wanted to kill him.

The envelope was labeled 'Jonathan.' He opened the envelope carefully and looked inside. There was no note. No explanation to clear up the mess, no promise of the future. No nostalgic letter of how proud he was of his son. There was only a piece of metal. He turned the envelope over and the metal fell into his waiting palm. It was a ring.

The ring was exactly like the one his father always wore on his finger. He felt the pride swell up within him. His father thought he was worthy of the Wayland ring. He felt physically connected to his father as he slipped the ring on exactly the same finger his father always wore his on. The ring was a little too large, but Jace didn't care. To him the ring was perfect.

He looked up to find that Lucy had left. He hadn't even noticed. He was now alone in the study. "Thank you Father," he whispered to the room. If his father would hear him anywhere it would be from within this room.

He slowly turned and walked from the room. He pulled the door gently shut. And walked back to his room enjoying the cool feel of the ring on his finger.

Jace returned to his room, and lay on his bed staring at nothing in particular. He wished that he could stay in this moment forever. Not because it was particularly happy, but because he suspected it would be better than what lay ahead.

He must have fallen asleep while lying there, because he opened his eyes to find the sunshine pouring in through the windows. He had wished that today would be a stormy day in Idris so it would make his goodbye easier. But it seemed determined to show him exactly how beautiful it was here and how much he would miss it among the neon signs and traffic of New York.

He rolled out of bed and put on the clothes that were laid out for him. Lucy must have come in earlier this morning. He grabbed his wrinkled clothes he had worn over night and walked quietly out of the room. There was something he had to do before he left. He slipped through the house, avoiding the halls he knew would be busy. He slipped out the french doors of a guest room and out into the sunlight.

He shut the door carefully behind him. He turned and looked out over the great green lawn that stretched away down the drive of the manor. And then he looked to the field of long grass and flowers just off the side of the manor. He walked towards it, breathing in the scent of Idris. It had the smell of spring, even though it was summer. There was the slight smell of water and the heady scent of the flowers blooming in the field.

He walked through the field enjoying the way the grass slid past his legs. He wove his way along in the field. He held his hands out palms down and let the tips of the grass tickle his hands. He had always loved the countryside. It had a beauty that couldn't be matched by man made landscapes. Not even the beauty of the glass towers of Alicante could top the beauty of the Idris countryside. He could see the grove of trees that was behind the hill. He quickened his pace and glanced behind him to see if anyone was following. When he was sure he was alone he slipped into the trees.

He darted in between the trees, using the trunks to swing off of. He ran along through them careful not to trip on any of the roots that stuck up out of the ground. The he reached the clearing where the stream cut into the grove. He slowed down and glanced behind him again. He then knelt down beside the stream and dipped his hands into it. He loved the way the water felt as it slipped by meandering on its path. The stream not caring where it went, only kept moving unto some unknown destination. Jace wished he were as brave as the stream.

He got to his feet again, placing the clothes and other supplies he had brought by the bank. He then walked back toward the trees, spotting what he needed. He grabbed two large fallen branches and a few twigs. He brought them back to the bank and set them into a formation his father had taught him. He placed the clothes over the branch. He bent down and used a match from the box he had brought to light the pile. It caught fire quickly. He watched the clothes burn. He watched his old self burn with them. He prayed the prayers in Latin as his father had taught him. He used this as the pyre of his father. He wanted to show him the respect a great shadowhunter like his father deserved. He watched the flames consume the clothes and prayed for himself as well. He was burning his old life in this fire.

He fiddled with the ring on his finger as he watched the flames dance and twirl upon the wood and cloth. He watched the smoke drift lazily off the pile and into the air. He watched as the flames slowly spluttered and died. He then scooped up the ashes and threw them into the river. He watched as the current slowly took them away. It was a beautiful sight. When he thought he had waited long enough he turned and returned to the manor. He walked back through the field and gathered some of the flowers as he went. He went back to the same doors he had left through. He gently swung them open and stepped inside.

He made his way to the kitchen. He found Lucy in there as he knew he would. He presented her with the flowers. He watched as she pulled out a vase from a cupboard and filled it with water. She carefully placed the flowers in it and set it on the counter between them.

"Thank you Jace, that's very sweet of you. You should get ready to go, I expect Mr. Lightwood will be arriving soon."

Jace's shoulders slumped at that. He hopped off the stool and went back up to his room. It had been five days since Robert Lightwood had come to see him. He walked into the bathroom when he reached his room and washed his face and hands. He was sure he smelled like smoke, but he didn't care.

He made his way back downstairs and waited in one of the sitting rooms off the foyer. He looked around at the well upholstered furniture in shades of blue and green. He looked at the fireplace which resembled the one in the study. From the windows he could see the front lawn and the drive leading away from the manor.

He could see when the coach started up the drive. He watched as it moved closer and closer. It was pulled by a black horse. That seemed appropriate, perhaps Robert Lightwood should have just shown up in a hearse. He watched as he made his way to the door, and then the doorbell rang. He stayed where he was looking out the window at the coach and the driver sitting at the driver's seat while he heard someone open the door. Robert Lightwood came into the sitting room and sat down in a green armchair opposite Jace.

"Hello Jace," he greeted, "I'll be ready to leave when you're ready, take as much time as you need to say goodbye."

He didn't really know what he was saying there. But Jace had already said most of his goodbyes. He stood and walked from the room, he found Lucy loitering around outside in the foyer. He made his way over to her and she pulled him into a tight hug.

"Be brave Jace, do this for your father, he would be so proud of you." she spoke softly to him. Her words made him stronger and he pulled away and gave her the best smile he could find within himself.

He then turned to find Robert Lightwood was standing out in the foyer as well. He looked into Jace's eyes and then nodded and headed for the door. Jace followed him, and turned on the threshold. He looked back into the house. He absorbed the marble foyer and the great staircase that climbed up the back wall of the foyer. He looked at all the carved doorways that led off the foyer, some were open and he could see a piece of the rooms inside, but most were closed and he could only see the brillance of the carvings. He looked up to the great chandlier that hung and would illuminate the foyer, though not as well as the sunlight could. He then looked to all the servants who had assembled. Lucy was waving to him. He turned and walked into the fresh air and over to the coach where Robert Lightwood was waiting. He followed him into the coach and looked back out the window at the great facade of the manor. It was beautiful and told of power and prestige. The carriage lurched and they made their way down the drive. The manor growing smaller and smaller the whole way. He watched until they turned the bend and the manor was gone. He turned his head and looked into his lap as the tears began to run down his cheeks and into his folded hands.

**thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Jace sat down in the aisle seat of the airplane. This was the second and final flight to New York. The Paris airport had been nice enough. This plane however, smelled terrible; a mix of bad food, plastic and slight body odor. Jace suddenly missed the heavenly scent of Idris. He was sitting next to Robert Lightwood. Which was a little awkward.

"I think you will get along with the family. Once you get settled." Robert said

Jace wasn't sure what that meant. 'Once you get settled' like it wouldn't happen right away. But he just nodded.

"Isabelle is a sweet girl. She has her heart in the right place. But if you upset her she won't be afraid to let you know. And Alec, well I think he could really gain from having you around. Of course Max will probably be beside himself. He likes meeting new people and experiencing new things. He's young but he seems older. Hodge will pleased to have another pupil, I'm sure you'll find him to be an adequate teacher and a good man."

Jace nodded again. He wasn't trying to understand anymore. All the names got confused in his head and he only got more nervous when he thought about meeting these people Robert was telling him about.

Robert tried to make conversation a few more times but Jace hadn't felt like talking. After a while he stopped trying. The flight was long and tedious. The food was terrible, as he had expected it to be. He was going to miss Lucy's cooking. The magazines were about mundane things that were really of no interest to Jace.

When the plane landed anxiety seemed to flood back into him. He walked stiffly off the plane. He had never been to America in his travels. He was out of his element. He had never really like change, it was confusing and disorienting. So was the unknown, and New York was unknown. Jace stuck close, following right behind Robert as they pushed their way through the confused crowds. They made their way out of the busy airport through customs, it helped that Robert Lightwood was an American citizen by mundane standards. Robert hailed a cab and they both climbed in after shoving the trunk in the back.

"You have to be careful while you're here," he explained while they rode, "New Yorkers aren't as nice as the people in Idris. Not to strangers anyway, also there are many more downworlders here. It's not really a problem, but just something to be aware of."

"Right" Jace said trying to keep mental notes as he rattled off tips but his nerves were making it hard to think. He felt himself drawing in, as he grew more worried.

Finally the cab stopped. They were by a huge beautiful Gothic church. It was in slight disrepair, and he had seen many prettier churches in Europe, but this church was still a handsome sight. The spires reached up toward the sky and gargoyles adorned the edge of the roof. Still, it didn't look like home. It looked like a cold and dark place, foreboding.

"C'mon I'll give you a tour of the inside. This is one of the largest Institutes on the East Coast. We get a fair number of visitors here, many stop here on their way on to other places on this side of the globe...." He continued on about the importance and architecture. Jace couldn't listen anymore, there was a slight ringing in his ears and he could feel his hands starting to shake slightly. He didn't want to appear weak, especially not in front of kids his own age. The nerves were eating at him, and he could feel the anxiety building. He felt as though he had eaten a dumbbell on the plane... perhaps that's why the food had tasted so bad. He was worried about what the others would think of him, and how they view his nerves. However his father had taught him to control the appearance of his emotions, not directly but because Jace never wanted to seem weak to his father.

Robert led the way through the door. Inside was a chapel, the floors were a sort of patterned stone worn smooth. There were still pews though he doubted they were ever used. But they had kept the sanctuary in beautiful condition, so he still worried that the Lightwoods might be religious and force him to join them. He had almost no experience with religion and he was afraid to mess something that important up. There were paintings on the walls and by the alter. The whole room was lit with various arrangement of candles on tables and stands. The sight was quite pretty, and inspiring. At the end of the room was an old elevator. Jace gaped as Robert pushed the button. He didn't think it looked very safe. The thing rattled and clanked and then ground to a stop and Robert pulled open the door. Jace quirked an eyebrow at him not really wanting to put his trust in this hunk of metal.

"It's alright I promise, we've been using it for years." Robert said beckoning him into the elevator.

"Yeah, that's what I was afraid of." Jace mumbled under his breath.

The ride was short and Jace let out the breath he was holding as Robert slid the door open. They were now in the foyer. It was smaller than the one in the manor. It had wood floors and paneled walls slightly darkening the room. But the floors were mostly covered with antique rugs. There were a few couches and tables just off the center of the area. It looked comfortable although not exactly welcoming. He looked down the hallways coming off the foyer. They were dimly lit and seemed to go on forever. He was happy he would have a lot to explore at least.

Finally he saw the family. There was a woman, tall, dark haired, with blue eyes. She smiled and walked over to Robert. She was followed by two children. The oldest was a boy with dark hair and bright blue eyes. He seemed shy and tended to hold slightly back. His sister had her dark hair pulled back and twisted up, it was shiny and straight. She had dark eyes and was willowy, she walked in a way that said to Jace that she was certainly in charge. Her attitude scared him, and he felt the wall he had put up grow thicker as he attempted to seem more at ease and disinterested in the new people and his new life.

"Jonathan" the woman said coming toward him

"Jace" He and Robert corrected at the same time. Jace glanced at him and looked away immediately but Robert only laughed.

"Jace, I'm Maryse, it's great to finally meet you. I'm so glad you decided to come here." She smiled as she said this her eyes softening. He stared back at her and smiled. He couldn't help the smirk that he felt on his face at her last sentence. He definitely hadn't chosen to come here. He wanted to stay in Idris.

"This is Isabelle and..." She craned her neck around and pulled the boy to the front around his sister, "Alec" she said presenting him. The girl flounced up to him and measured him up with her eyes. He raked his gaze over her trying to mirror her actions so she might feel as intimidated as he did. The boy conversely just stood there his head bent slightly looking up at him from under his eyelashes. He was certainly shy. That was fine with Jace, he certainly didn't want to have to talk with anyone right now.

"Alright I'll show you to your room, Robert there's been a message, the Silent brothers..." Maryse said looking pointedly at her husband. He seemed to understand and smiled a last time at Jace and then left down one of the hallways off the foyer. She turned back to Jace as he left, her children glanced at each other. Alec subtly shook his head slowly. Jace felt left out. He had never had anyone he was that close to. How could they know what the other was thinking?

"Are you ready?" Maryse asked and started to walk down another hallway. Jace slowly followed her. He looked around the hall at the walls and the dim lights that were evenly spaced down the hall. The place felt vaguely familiar but still had a sense of mystery and power. It didn't feel like home. He heard a cough behind him and spun to find the two following at a distance. He looked incredulously at them. What were they doing?

The girl, Isabelle walked fast until she caught up to where he was standing. "So you're from Idris?" she asked curiously.

"Yeah" He didn't really want to talk about it. He was afraid of what she thought about him. And she could apparently share this information with her brother in their non verbal eye language.

"That's amazing! I've only been a few times with my parents when they go to Alicante. Did you live near there?"

Jace suddenly grew excited. "You go to Idris? To Alicante?" he asked. Perhaps he would be able to return home every once in a while the idea gave him hope. It was so healing.

"Yeah occasionally. My parents have to go back for business sometimes." They started walking again because Maryse was a fair ways ahead of them already. But Isabelle didn't seem worried. She must have known where they were going.

"I think you'll like New York." She stated, she seemed rather sure of her conviction. He wasn't as convinced.

"It's a beautiful city once you get familiar with it." said a voice from his other side. He jumped at the noise and spun to see Alec there. Jace hadn't heard him speak yet and he had forgotten all about him.

"Sure" Jace said completely unconvinced the dirty, smelly, polluted city would ever deserve the word beautiful. The same word he used to describe Idris.

"Really, just give it time" Isabelle urged.

They had caught up to Maryse because she had stopped in front of a door on the left side of the hall. "This will be your room. The view is really something at night. I think you will enjoy it."

He nodded the thought of nighttime vistas brought the memories of sitting on the side of the stream at the manor at night with his father. He could feel his face paling and he looked down afraid the tears would start.

"Also..." Maryse started again desperate to change the subject, "Alec's room is just across the hall and then Isabelle sleeps just a few door down on the opposite side of the hall if you ever need anything. My husband and I have a room on the next floor, and max sleeps just off our room."

Jace nodded again walking into the room eager to get out of the hallway. He looked around the room. It was fairly large. Slightly smaller than his room had been. There was a bathroom connected to the bedroom. Jace was glad to see that. He walked over to the bed.

"We can go shopping soon and buy you a colored bedspread if you'd like. Anything you want to decorate the room with is fine. Also I will have your things brought here as soon as Robert is done-" She let that sentence hang unfinished.

Jace shook his head, "White is fine thanks." He didn't want to owe this family anything. And he didn't want to personalize this room. He didn't even know what his personality was anymore, and he didn't want to make this room his home. His home was across the world.

"Alright" She replied looking a little taken a back, maybe even slightly concerned. She opened her mouth to say something, but then closed it and ushered the two away from his door. He watched as they moved off down the hall. He walked over and shut the door and made his way back to the bed.

He lay down on the mattress. It was pretty comfortable. The plain white comforter was soft and smooth. her rolled off the far side and walked over to the window. He could see the city laid out before him. The buildings towered up over the church. He could see down a street and looked at all the flashing neon lights beckoning people in. He stared hypnotized by all the activity for a moment. A loud screech and bang made him jump as they sounded from below. He pressed his face into the window as he tried to see down to the street below. A cab driver was jumping out of his car to yell and wave excitedly at the other driver who was diving out of his own car to match tones and volumes with the cabbie.

Well perhaps Robert had been right about the temperment of New Yorkers.


End file.
